Perfect Parenting 101 – How You Can Rock This Parenting Thing

I had planned on posting about The Most Annoying Moms At Playgroup, The Dos/Don’ts of Military Balls, The Spouses You Meet In The Military, or What It’s Really Like To Be Married, but then my little monster inspired today’s fun topic – perfect parenting. If any of those other topics piqued your interest, stay tuned – they’ll definitely be making an appearance soon!

Back to perfect parenting – there is no such thing. If you came for some insightful post about how you can be the perfect parent, you came to the wrong post. In fact, you came to the wrong blog. There is no perfect parent, anyone claiming to be one is drinking some strong … kool-aid. We all know someone who THINKS they are a perfect parent, but I can assure you of what you probably already know, they are full of it.

I’ll be honest though, I was rocking it this past weekend. My little guy is two and he has full conversations with people. He says food is “delicious” and “disgusting.” He refuses to use words like “yummy” or “yuck.” He says “please” and “thank you” – not every time, but enough. People are constantly commenting on his good manners and how well behaved he is, and that happened A LOT this week – he had all his skills on full display.

On Friday, we were walking around Target and enjoying the new Hearth & Hand Collection when a woman stopped me to ask how old he was. She said she was a doctor and that she was truly amazed at his overall development – he ate up all her praise. He counted to ten for her, sang the ABCs (tapering off around G), told her some colors, and just woo-ed her completely. I was on Mommy Cloud 9. I am what some people, myself included, would refer to as a hot mess mama, so these moments are few and far between. Let me have my moment.

Hot Mess Mama (noun): An awesome, but unorthodox mama. Her hair is usually a mess, she doesn’t have make up on, she’s lucky if she matches, and there’s usually some type of food on her shirt. Her kid looks great. His outfit is coordinated – sometimes, his hair is done – occasionally, and he looks clean – thank the Lord for wipes because he hasn’t been bathed in a week. She is rockin’ the mom look, she loves her babies more than anything, and most importantly, they know it.

Ex: Hot Mess Mama

He continued being awesome all weekend (& it was a long one)! He had soccer -which was adorable – for the first time. He listened to his coach, he motivated and comforted other kids, and he didn’t cry when I told him he couldn’t have the giant King Kong toy at Walmart. A-PLUS-PLUS! I’m doing a great job – go me!

Kids will happily bring you back down to Earth.

Fast forward to this morning. I was making coffee in the kitchen and I could hear his sweet, angelic voice singing … something. I felt like Snow White and he was my animal sidekick, chirping sweetly in the background while playing with his toys. Then I got closer, close enough to hear him, and do you know what he was singing? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE WAS SINGING?

“F*** you – and you – and you. F*** you. F*** you. F*** you and you and youuuuuuuuuu.”

Wait, what? What happened to my sweet little boss baby from this weekend?

Then it hit me. He’s not the problem. He’s a baby, he doesn’t know any better. It’s my fault. It’s my husband’s fault. We need to do better. We need to watch our mouths or our sweet little Polly-the-Parrot will be bringing this nonsense out into public or to preschool – and I’m not ready for that parent/teacher conference.  We need to get to work and like yesterday.

The point of that long-winded story was that we’re all doing our best. Sure, I try to teach him as much as I can, but he’s learning even when I don’t think he’s watching. This particular outburst probably had a lot to do with the Saints/Vikings game this weekend. He must’ve heard mommy and daddy’s reaction to a certain free safety tackling the air and literally costing us the game, but that’s on us. It should never have happened.

Whether you stay at home with your babies or you’re a working mama/dad, it’s just important to do your best. You’re the only one who knows what is best for your family. There is a lot of information out there, but ultimately, you know what needs to happen for your family.

I sat him down and explained that it was a bad word and that only mommies and daddies can say it, but even they shouldn’t. He nodded and said he understood, but it’s not lost on me that he’s two. He’s just saying what I want him to say. We’ll revisit this topic later, I’m sure of that, and I’m ok with it. He didn’t say it to be mean. He didn’t say it out of anger. He was singing it to his dinosaurs.

I’m like most parents, I want my son to grow up to be happy and healthy, and for him to contribute to society in a meaningful way; I want  only the best for him. I am sure not a perfect parent and he’s not a perfect kid. There are more tantrums than I can count, I count to three more than I ever have in my life, there are at least ten time outs a day, he is licking the faucet in the tub as I write this, and I mess up more than anyone, but we’re chugging along.

You want to know how you can be the perfect parent? Love your babies. Hug them and kiss them. Let them know how much they mean to you. Play with them. Teach them when you can, and correct the mistakes when you make them. Your kid needs something special and only you know what that is. You already are HIS perfect parent.

I can’t be the only hot mess mama out there. What are some parenting oops that you have made? Drop some below and let’s commiserate together.



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