Don’t Say These 5 Things To A Pregnant Person

How in the halibut did it become normal to spew nonsense at a woman just because she’s pregnant? I mean, I get it, everyone loves a baby, but dang, please calm down. The golden rule should be: if you don’t know this human-making goddess AND you don’t have anything NICE to say, just let her waddle along. If you can’t fight the temptation and you simply have to engage, here are some things you should not say unless you’d like to be throat punched:

1. “You’re so big/small.”

Please don’t. Maybe you think it’s a compliment or maybe you’re trying to be funny, but this is not the time. People told me I was “so small” my entire pregnancy. Each and every time I heard this, I’d go home and research how big my belly should be. They don’t post that info online because, newsflash, every one is different! I can rationalize that now, but I couldn’t then. I’d be on the phone with my doctor within an hour, and I’d definitely cry myself to sleep. So thanks.

Samsies goes for saying we’re too big. Our minds wonder, people! Even if we can talk ourselves down and stop thinking something is wrong, you just called us fat. Not cool.

Don’t say, “huge.” Don’t say, “big.” Don’t say, “you’re about to pop.” Don’t smile and say, “any day now, huh?” Just zip it. Shhh.

1a. “Are you having twins?” 

Are you serious, Linda? We just went  over this. Please see above.

2. “You’re being so negative.” / “You’re going to miss this.” / “You don’t know how blessed you are.”

I will miss it (eventually), I know I’m blessed, and I’m not being negative. I’m stressed out, sleep deprived, my body is unrecognizable, and you don’t know what I’m dealing with. You don’t know that my doctor just told me I should abort this pregnancy or it’ll kill me. You don’t know that I’ve been heavily bleeding all morning. You don’t know if I’m waiting for test results. You don’t know if I’ve just gotten them back. You just don’t know. Let me vent, be supportive, and keep your opinion to yourself.

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Perfect Parenting 101 – How You Can Rock This Parenting Thing

I had planned on posting about The Most Annoying Moms At Playgroup, The Dos/Don’ts of Military Balls, The Spouses You Meet In The Military, or What It’s Really Like To Be Married, but then my little monster inspired today’s fun topic – perfect parenting. If any of those other topics piqued your interest, stay tuned – they’ll definitely be making an appearance soon!

Back to perfect parenting – there is no such thing. If you came for some insightful post about how you can be the perfect parent, you came to the wrong post. In fact, you came to the wrong blog. There is no perfect parent, anyone claiming to be one is drinking some strong … kool-aid. We all know someone who THINKS they are a perfect parent, but I can assure you of what you probably already know, they are full of it.

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Top 10 Things No One Tells You About Childbirth & Recovery

My neighbor is due to give birth any day now. Since this is her third delivery, she knows what’s coming for her and her hoo-hah. In her honor, I have decided to share with you the top 10 things about labor, delivery, and recovery that I wish someone would have shared with me.

If you are pregnant or have been pregnant, you know that every pregnancy, labor experience, delivery, and recovery is different. I am not a doctor or medical professional. I can only write from my point of view, but here they are (in no particular order):

1. Your doctor wants you to labor at home for as long as possible.

I always assumed that when you felt your first strong contraction, you immediately went to the hospital. Thanks, every movie and tv show ever made. That’s not actually the case.

Your doctor wants you to labor at home for as long as possible. For some people this is a positive thing. Your doctor will tell you to rest while you can, eat what you want, take a bath, and be comfortable. As soon as you get to the hospital, you get hooked up to machines, you can’t eat solids until after delivery, and it’s not a very relaxing environment. If you can labor at home, good for you. This is what everyone wants.

For other people, like me, who suffer from crippling anxiety, being at or near a hospital is what helped me relax. My hospital was 45 minutes away with no traffic and I did not want to give birth on the highway. I labored at home for as long as I could, and then I lied to the doctor about how far apart my contractions were. I needed to go in.

Do what makes you comfortable.

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